Sunday, May 3, 2009

In your face??

John Mark is playing baseball this spring. It's not been the best experience (neither has it been the worst!) But they've lost every game and the coaches are frustrated and working hard at keeping their emotions in check (not always successfully) and the boys are pretty discouraged and down!
So today after yet another loss I see one of the coaches getting onto his kid. He was up in his face & grabbed his shirt telling him (cough cough...sternly) to 'get over it NOW' or something like that. I had TOTALLY missed what led up to that so I've no idea what the kid had done. But another Mommy looked at me and I looked at her...but our reactions were perhaps a little different. She had missed what led up to it too and thought I had seen it and ask "ooooo...having a bit of an attitude problem is he?" to which I responded "which one?" she got a bit of a chuckle from that and then said "well can't say I've never done that" but then this look came over her face and she giggled slowly & gave me this quizzical look and said "you've never done that have you?" I was stumped...what was she talking about....???

she continued to question me and said "seriously you really haven't ever just gotten up in your kids face have you?? I can't even imagine you doing that"
hmm......have I? I think that's really up to my child's perspective, so MaryKyle was standing right beside me nose in a book but always listening (ha ha) and I just said "I don't know have I???" and she looked up at us like I was the craziest person in the world for asking and said...... "WHAT?! No way!"

(it's probably slipped her mind, but good timing honey!)

Now, I raise my voice at my kids plenty. And there are days I feel like I'm the most negative Mommy in the whole world. I have had to apologize to them more times than I could ever count for not handling a situation the way that I perhaps should/could have or just plain having a hormonal day where I'm in a rotten mood and not a lot of fun to be around ( family wants to leave the house and get as far away from me as possible!!).

So that got me thinking. And I tried to think if that had ever happened to me. At the moment, off the top of my head, I can only remember one situation ever having someone in my face fussing at was not my parent....and my relationship with that person changed that day.


I can truly not imagine a situation where I would have someone in my face fussing and it receive a positive reaction from me.
What if my husband had gone over and done that to the coach about us losing...hmmm....wonder what might have happened...go on and chuckle cuz we all know when adults get up in each others faces generally security must get involved!

what if our bosses handled disciplining that way...oh wait...there would probably be a lawsuit or something.
so why??? Why, do parents feel like kids will respond well to it?

I know by homeschooling I'm already labeled and already the 'weird parent' & my parenting is already looked at as odd by many. But I don't know...I just have the utmost respect for my children and I believe they deserve to be treated the way I wish to be treated...with love and respect. Now that doesn't mean I'm not in charge, nor does it mean they are perfect...goodness no. I just don't feel the need to disrespect them to gain their respect and my position. So I TRY when disciplining them to remember that - read TRY....I'm not always successful and that's where the apologies come in!

and ssshhhhhh......don't tell anyone....but I don't have any grand dreams of John Mark becoming a pro baseball player. I just have dreams of him having a fun and happy childhood making lots of memories and friends and having lots of different experiences and learning how to emulate Christ in the process (See told you I'm weird- ha ha)!!!

Let me be clear, I'm not in any way saying this coach or the Mommy who I was talking to are bad people.Nope not at all, I just was stumped by her all of a sudden questioning me on this and then started questioning the behavior as a whole and anyone who has actually sat through reading this has had to endure my brains workings on the subject....So so sorry!!


Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenny said...

Interesting entry Rachel. I know I don't have kids of my own yet and some may say that I live in a dream world when I say this, but...I totally agree with you. We can be upset, but to take our feelings out on others, especially kids, can really have some lasting effects! My experience in the classroom has shown me that how kids are treated on a day-to-day basis REALLY effects how they treat others. They learn SO much from the examples around them (no matter how good or bad that example is!) It's also interesting to learn which kids have had the "in your face" discipline vs. discipline with love at home; they seem to only get my point when I raise my voice at them! I've found that it takes them a while to respond to any other form of discipline. Guess we could all use a daily replay of our behavior each night before we go to we would try a bit harder the next day to keep our attitude in check! Mt 7:12