Friday, November 21, 2008

Christmas Wish

tonight was tough.... Cleaning up the kitchen from a yummy & fun relaxing dinner (a fabulous grilled pork tenderloin I bought on a good sale...ha ha!)
after a totally fun day of Christmas Crafts and T'giving fun


We don't know if it was the Christmas music I had playing (Thanks to online radio we've been prancing around the house to seasonal tunes a bit early around here) or what, but MaryKyle started sobbing...not just crying, but down right uncontrollable sobbing.

Apparently at that moment it hit her that Aaliyah would not be here for the holidays or to celebrate her 3rd b'day...

"but Mommy she has never done any of those things away from us!"

I of course could not contain my daily suppressed tears. Who could ??

John Mark was in the other room completing a project he'd started before dinner and he walked back into the kitchen and stopped in his tracks seeing the tears and says....

"what?!!" "Wh... What...what HAPPENED in here?!!!" (say it slowly & accentuate the 3rd "what" and "happened" a little more in your head and you've got it!)

So typical male -oh how I love that boy!

He WAS nice enough to go tell Daddy about the drama occurring in the kitchen downstairs
who was nice enough to then come and rescue me knowing how much I'm already struggling this season. Which allowed me to escape when I felt I could and get myself distracted and together before I lost it like MK beyond just a good tearfall...
I distracted myself by looking at old pictures of the last few Christmases...

I know, I know so sounds like the LAST think I should do to distract myself in such moments

But it makes me ever so happy to remember when I was truly parenting 3 children
(not just feeling like the parent of 3 children with only 2 here for me to protect).
Remembering when that beautiful little girl with the biggest most stunning smile graced the halls of this house with her whoops and hollers and giggles!!
It makes me smile...(and sometimes cry)
but tonight..tonight it made me SMILE!!

and some point, the entire family ended up surrounding the laptop laughing at our little darling and her greatly missed antics! memories captured on film are such an incredible blessing!

Isn't she just the most adorable thing?
People sometimes say that "she might come back" It might shock some to know that I do not hope for that.

That would mean she would have something sad happen in her life and that is not what I want for her no matter how much I long to hold her again. This amazing child could draw all attention in a room to her...she could sing and laugh and dance and was just so full of smiles and joy!
I hope she is smiling right this very moment and belly roll laughing at next to nothing...
ooohhhh THAT's what I hope for her!!

That is my Christmas wish!


andysbethy said...

Thank you for sharing. I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, but I think I can understand. I really want you to get your Christmas wish, as much as it hurts to get it. Blessings!

The Unlikely Homeschooler said...

Thanks Bethany. I'm praying that today is a day of smiles and family fun for you! One day at a time....

Anonymous said...

Her beautiful eyes look at me everytime I open my Bible - I keep her picture there and still pray for her often. She does have that amazing spell she puts on everyone including her Sunday school teacher! My life is happier because I met her and because of the love your family gave her! With love and thanksgiving, Bev

The Unlikely Homeschooler said...

Oh Bev - THANKS! You know she thought the world of you too and we are so blessed to have had such sweet wonderful people teaching her some of the most important things for her to carry in her heart forever! She would get SO excited at the mention of Bible class thanks to all the love you all showered on her!! I hope one day she realizes just how many people love her and pray for her...and although she may never, I know that her life can reflect it and for that I am EVER so thankful!